Trust your yearnings. Trust what you’re drawn too. There is wisdom in the yearnings.
"Don’t ask what the world needs of you. Ask what wakes you up, because what the world need from you is to wake up.”
Good morning. Here is me waking up, or at least trying to.
Oh my, what a journey this is.
It is so strange to me sometimes that we are such complex beings that we can go through an entire day and have a whole myriad of such complex thoughts and responses to so many moments in a day, but yet when someone asks us how my day was, I (for obvious reasons) boil it down to "busy, but good." That's funny for a few reasons. One, who isn't busy? I always say it like its some unique burden I bear. And two, well I would have sworn there were two.
Today I just need to share some random thoughts, but ones I don't want to let go.
One, today was an absolutely gorgeous day. I was struck by it several times today. I can't wait to be able to choose skirts again when I am figuring out what to wear in the morning. You would not believe the battle I fought getting ready just because I realized that I still needed to wear a sweater and that I actually have 3 gray sweaters...I'm sure I bought all of them because they were practical and look good with black pants. Blah.
Since it was such a gorgeous day, I wanted to go for a walk by the water when I got home and then go to my favorite coffee shop to write and read and whatever, but as soon as I got home I quickly realized how tired I really was. I feel so lame for staying in sometimes on week nights for the fear of any week looking just like the last one, that and it means that it is one more night that I wasn't investing in my city a little more. But in all this, I'm recognizing that it is very hard to be realistic about the way I spend my time....because if I am constantly pushing and making room for things in every moment, then I continue to become exhausted and can not truly enjoy those places I find myself. I value quality so much more than quantity. I love to be fully present. I love to be prepared. I love the fullfillment of being intentional. So for that reason, I need to recognize that I need to make more goals, allow space to meet them. For that same reason I think I need to put a little higher value on sleep and rest.
The word missional ehoes in my mind lately. It pushes me on and it haunts me at the same time. I have a new friend who is helping me work through some of my thoughts on being missional. He recently got out of jail and now has a new wife and baby. He also has an electric personality. I don't know how many times I've heard him say in the last month, "Dee, I've got a story for you"...where he then proceeds to tell me how God showed up for him that very day to either him or people directly around him. He defines a life transformed. His body, covered in tattoos, all the residue of the life he used to live...he is now trying to find out how he can get them removed. You just don't expose yourself to that kind of pain unless you believe that you are transformed, that you have a new identity. I see the way he finds the gospel in every moment and exposes it as soon as he sees it. It makes me realize how much I think I am doing for the gospel sometimes only to realize that the only reason I think I'm effective is because I choose to compare myself with people who are not matching up either. At least I'm doing better than them I console myself. Obedience, not perfection Dee. Obedience, not perfection. So strange that I go after perfection because it seems so measurable sometimes and obedience seems so messy. Obedience doesn't glorify me, and perfection tries to.
I pity the fool that has read this far.
I am trying to do some work on understanding StrengthsFinder....more so on how to help people implement their strengths. So in order to do that, I'm going to try to process through some of what I've learned so far. What are the tell-tale signs of a Strength:
Tell-Tale Signs to Look for your own strengths: SIGN (my copy and pasted notes)
Success: probably strength if you are feeling effective
Not all activities that we are effective at actually bring us life
Instincts: there are some activities that you are drawn to, before you do it, are you looking forward to it?
Growth: There are some activities, that why you are doing them, you feel like you are growing or you can stay focused, or time goes by quickly
Needs: How do you feel after the activity is over? What brings satisfaction, or even authenticity? You might be tired, but not exhausted. You are ready for next time.
Activities I Love (from the past week or so):
Hosting (and not leading) small group
Opportunities to communicate before a large group
Sending thank you notes or notes just because
Dinner at Le Creperie with Daniel and Cassidy
Finding a new place to go hiking
Being able to connect with parents in my class more than a surface level conversation
Getting up early to read and have my coffee
Breakfast burritos and the beach with old roommates
Meeting new guests at church
Chatting with teachers in the copy room
Going to Lakin's show at the Jazz Bar
Finding a resources to help me do my job better
These are the activities I love....now I need to go connect them to strengths. More soon. What are the activities you come alive in?
